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  • Justin Louallen

The Ice Cream Truck - Written Movie Review

***Minor Spoilers ***

The Ice Cream Truck is a 2017 direct to video horror film directed by Megan Freels Johnston and stars Deanna Russo, Emil Johnsen, and John Redlinger. Mary (Deanna Russo) moves into a new neighborhood in a house and meeting new people while waiting for her husband and kids to come home in the next few days. While she is getting used to her new neighborhood, there's an Ice Cream Man who drives around and little does she know that the man is a actually a serial killer. Now, I didn't really know what to expect much with this movie. I rented it at Redbox as it was something my girlfriend wanted to watch, so we decided to get it. From the title alone, I felt like I was in for something among the lines of this cheesy 90s horror flick called The Ice Cream Man, starring Clint Howard. Boy was I wrong. This film is like if The Ice Cream Man was directed by the same person that did Kidnap (which Eddie did a review of). This film was so awful! Where do I start with my cons for this piece of crap? So the main character, Mary is spending most of her time in this house by herself and talking to her husband and kids on the phone. She also meets these neighbors that, honestly, come across as more creepy than the eponymous character of the film. There are some of these men who show up and act very creepy and feel more like serial killers from the way that they talk to her and all that. This really threw me off because I was like, "Are we in a different movie or something?!" Throughout the first 40 mins, it mainly deals with her meeting various neighbors and spending time with her house before we even get to the killer. The pacing was very slow in this. Every scene felt rinse and repeat of the same stuff happening. With that being said, when we finally get to our killer, he's about as subtle as a fart in the wind. This guy is not scary, he does things in the most obvious ways to attract attention, and he doesn't even kill anyone in creative ways either. Plus, the actor who played him I thought was so monotone and awful that I felt like I was watching paint dry every time I saw him on screen. Everyone else in this film is awful too, especially the weird teenage kid, Max who tries to hook up with our main heroine after his previous girlfriend gets killed and tries doing some even more stalkish stuff to attract Mary. That's another thing. Apparently murder doesn't call any attention around this neighborhood because when someone dies, nobody brings it up to Mary or is anything mentioned about it either. They just go along their day like nothing. Oh dont even get me stated on the kills in this either. So the killer lures the victims in his truck to offer them ice cream and then just kills them with a knife. These kills were way too repetitive and so cliche that I was bored seeing the same stuff happen, especially when some scenes are just off camera where you don't even see anything! Not to mention, these victims make the most dumbass choices that get themselves killed and they make it so obvious when the Ice cream Man talks to them! The direction in this is so stale too. Much like Kidnap, there's actually a couple of scenes that drag on and on and didn't cut out when needed. For example, I kid you not, there's a scene where after the Ice cream Man kills someone, the film actually calls time out to have a shot of him peeing and using the bathroom for 5 straight minutes! Did the director just feel like this should just be a rough cut of the movie and release it? That's exactly how it felt like. Plus the dialogue feels so improvised and unscripted to where when people have conversations, it was like if the dialogue in The Room wasn't unintentionally hilarious and just stayed straight and shot the movie around them. One of the biggest complaints I have is that the film ends on so bad to the point that it felt like nothing happened in the entire film. The only tiny pro I will give is that the music dies have an 80s retro feel that I enjoy, but it was better off in a movie that fit more of its style. Other than that, this movie was downright unwatchable. Even though this was direct to video, I'll still make it on my list of Worst of 2017 films. I'm going to give The Ice Cream Truck a 1/10. What were your thoughts on this movie? Leave me a comment below and I'll see you on my next review.

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